Late-Diagnosed Autism in Women: signs, seeking diagnosis, and my experience

For as long as I can remember I have experienced meltdowns and shutdowns. Of course at the time I didn’t know that’s what they were. I was often told off when I would get emotionally overwhelmed and cry. After socialising or a day of too much sensory input I would be unable to speak, which was often seen as rudeness. 

I have been in and out of the NHS mental health service since I was 11 years old. I was diagnosed with depression at 12. Then generalised anxiety disorder and panic disorder. To cope, I developed obsessive compulsive tendancies and disordered eating. I have seen multiple doctors, therapists, counsellors and was repeatedly diagnosed with depression, anxiety and panic disorder. I have undergone talking therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, tapping therapy and anti-depressant medication all to no avail. 

The older I got the worse these meltdowns became. I have read a lot about meltdowns and shutdowns in children but there is sparse information on meltdowns in adults. It’s as if autistic people turn 18 and meltdowns magically go away. From my experience people are more accepting when a child is crying; “she’s just overly emotional”, “she’ll grow out of it”, “it’s teenage hormones”. As an adult, however, it is socially unexceptable for a grown women to cry because she cannot work out in the morning, or because she doesn’t know what the schedule is for the day, or the because plans change last minute.

For me, meltdowns are exhausting. If I am very overwhlemed I can have multiple meltdowns that lead to panic attacks and then spiral into a complete inabilty to function. Prior to diagnosis, when I didn’t understand why this was happening, I blamed myself; I felt stupid and worthless. I did not understand why things that everyone else found easy, I found so challenging. 

In March this year (2025), I had a mental health crisis triggered by entering Training Clinic which was part of my nutrition degree. My mum took me to the doctor’s, I was in flood of tears and shaking. I was again diagnosed with “significant mixed anxiety, depressive disorder and panic disorder”, referred for cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and decided to try Sertraline. The waitlist for CBT was almost 2 years and having done it before and not finding it helpful, I begged for alternative help. I was referred to a mental health nurse, who suggested that perhaps I was not depressed and that I may be autistic. FYI depressed people don’t tend to exercise every day and download floor plans so they know where the toilets are in unfamilar buildings. 

My GP referred me for assessment but the NHS waitlist was FIVE YEARS. Since I was not coping, and at the time was unable to complete my degree, I decided to go private and opted for The Autism Clinic as they were well versed in helping neurodivergent females. The clinicans who performed my assessment were lovely and at the end of the assessment I recieved a diagnosis of autism. 

All my life my mum and aunt, whom both worked in schools with autistic children, joked that I was “on the spectrum” but actually recieving a diagnosis was quite the revelation. I wish I had known ealier as I may have been able to save myself from some of the horribly dark and low times I have been through. However, I am so grateful to now start to undertsnad why I react and think the way I do. I feel like I can finally start to forgive myself and stop forcing myself to do things that I find distressing just because other people do them.